Writing

With a Twist of Irony

The Washington Post Mensa Invitational annually attracts wannabe verbarians who add, subtract, or change one letter in a real word, then add a witty definition and voila: an oddly familiar, yet profound new word. 2006’s amazingly appropriate winners:

  • Arachnoleptic Fit – The frantic dance performed just after you’ve accidentally walked through a spider web.
  • Beelzebug – Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
  • Bozone – The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down any time soon.
  • Cashtration – The act of buying (or building) a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.
  • Caterpallor – The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you’re eating.
  • Decafalon – The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
  • Dopeler Effect – The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
  • Foreploy – Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.
  • Giraffiti – Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
  • Glibido – All talk and no action.
  • Hipatitis – Terminal coolness.
  • Ignoranus – A person who is both stupid and an asshole.
  • Inoculatte – To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
  • Intaxication – Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize that it was your money to start with.
  • Karmageddon – It’s when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, and then the Earth explodes. Serious bummer.
  • Osteopornosis – A degenerate disease.
  • Reintarnation – Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
  • Sarchasm – The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn’t get it.
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