Aliens Are Among Us!

A common story line runs through many science fiction movies and books: aliens are among us and not simply figments of adolescent minds nor subjects of government cover ups. I’m now ready to share something startling that respected newspapers such as The National Enquirer would pay millions for, but I choose instead to help humanity by freely sharing my incredible discovery with the bloggies. What follows is an amazing tale of discovery leading to a close encounter of the third kind.

alienegg.jpgLast week when I woke to begin another lazy vacation day I didn’t realize I’d soon be contributing to history in a profound way destined to change the future of the human race. There was nothing remarkable about the day: beautiful blue skies, water softly lapping on the stoney shoreline of Sarasota Bay, and the usual idle rich lounging on yachts or basking on million-dollar-condo patios. But there, on the counter of the kitchen bar, were signs of astral life surviving and thriving in my parents’ Florida condominium. How had they kept this quiet all these years made me wonder if they were in cahoots with the stealthy aliens (think “Cocoons” the movie). Fortunately for the sake of science and the safety of mankind, I took it upon myself to analyze and dissect one of these alien eggs hoping to discover a biological defense should they prove bent on total destruction of the human race (which is the modus operandi of most aliens in the movies, therefore this must be a fundamental truth). My autopsy photos at right may not prove these aliens are dangerous, but overall the evidence speaks for itself: aliens do exist on Earth.

The alien egg’s outer shell is brittle, yet protected by tiny thorn-like protrusions that appear uniformly around the casing. What appears underneath after cracking the case is a pearly white gelatinous (yet probably nutritious to the alien within) outer egg covering that smells faintly of flowers and perfume. Once the brittle outer shell is removed the gelatinous layer remains intact, but is much firmer than an Earth chicken’s egg white. Should the outer shell be compromised, this thick inner shell probably protects the alien within.

Opening the inner gelatinous casing finally reveals the alien, a hardened and shiny pod that so far has repelled all attempts to open and discover how these aliens function, what defenses they have, and ultimately determine whether they pose a threat to mankind. I’m currently incubating several of these in a secret location somewhere in my apartment behind the bookshelf immediately to the left of the TV and just behind my volume of “Men are from Pluto, Women Don’t Really Care,” but don’t tell anyone. There are forces out there who’d do anything to keep this knowledge secret and continue their evil plot to overthrow humanity. So dear bloggies, now you know. If something nefarious should happen to me then it’s up to you to spread the word. I’ve done my patriotic part in finding these AMDs (Aliens of Mass Destruction). Consider yourselves warned!!

Before I get weird-o emails and visits by dudes in FBI baseball caps, hopefully everyone realizes the above report is more creative writing than journalism (unless you happen to think The National Enquirer is journalism). You may recognize the “egg” as the lichee (litchi, lychee), a semi-common cluster fruit growing on evergreen trees and originally from China and central Vietnam. Lichees are ingested as fruit, dried fruit, in drinks, soups, and teas, and for all I know have ancient medicinal uses as well. To my knowledge, no little green dude has emerged from an incubated or otherwise natural lichee pit. But given the weirdness of realities in our current world, would that be any more surprising that the state of affairs we currently grimace under? Food for thought.

2 Responses

  1. The description? Entirely Scully. The conclusion? So very Mulder. The result? Laugh-out-loud hilarity. I think the drugs are going to your brain, dude…and I think I want what you’re having. 😉

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