Impatience plagues the human mind during relationship changes. Part of you knows it’s over, time to move on, yet other parts seem stuck, impatient to complete the change and forcing you to adapt to a misty existence somewhere in between here…and there. Often it feels like you have one foot on the dock, the other on the boat, and both hands holding tight to St. Christopher praying the tide won’t change. At least not until you can decide which foot to de-orphan.
Relationships are complex, intertwined, and well-rooted sentient beings that aren’t always split easily even by the sharpest of surgeon’s scalpels. Though the initial intent to change seems crystal clear, the process of completing the transition from inside a relationship to anticipated freedom outside seems like a never-ending challenge and often is excruciatingly slow to complete. Simply taking the first step by saying, “I want out” is enough to begin the process, but in reality only bookmarks the moment in time when the exodus begins, the mark of when the hard work really begins.
Regardless of how we feel about the other person, we live with some roots of that situation still in us for years to come if not for the rest of our lives. While severing the connection may seem permanent and without a scar like any good plastic surgeon’s work, the reality is at some level remnants of the relationship still exist and remain connected to you. When we open our hearts to someone, I believe that you never truly remove all your feelings that once seemed intense and all consuming. Some of it may be extracted like cancerous cells but residue remains that cannot be fully extricated. Those permanent roots may be dried and withered, yet still take up space in your soul for the rest of your life. If nothing else, they serve as battle scars to be shown on occasion when the usual boasting of “you think you had it bad, look at mine” comes up after a few rounds on a melancholy rainy night.
This is a slightly edited reprint of the post I wrote as a guest blogger back in April on Thinking Out Loud.